Arab Jokes

There was a Lebanese man, a Jewish man and Claudia Schiffer sitting together in a carriage in a train going through the Province.

Suddenly the train went through a tunnel and as it was an old style train, there were no lights in the carriages and it went completely dark Then there was a kissing noise and the sound of a really loud slap.

When the train came out of the tunnel, Claudia Schiffer and the Lebanese man were sitting as if nothing had happened and the Jewish man had his hand against his face as he had been slapped there.

The Jewish man was thinking: The Lebanese fella must have kissed Claudia Schiffer and she missed him and slapped me instead.

Claudia Schiffer was thinking: The Jewish fella must have tried to kiss me and actually kissed the Lebanese man and got slapped for it.

And the Lebanese was thinking: This is great. The next time the train goes through a tunnel, I’ll make another kissing noise and slap the Jewish bastard again.

What do you call a good looking Lebanese woman?


What do you call an arab drowning in the ocean?


What do you call a good locking woman in Lebanon?


What do you call 1 Lebanese man on the moon?

A Problem.

What do you call 1000 lebenese on the moon?

A Big Problem.

What do you call all lebenese on the moon?

Problem solved.

What do you call a lebonese man in a line up?


Ahmed the Arab came to Sydney from the Middle East, and he was only here a few months when he became very Ill.

He went to doctor after doctor, but none of them could help Him. Finally, he went to an Arab doctor, who said, ‘Take dees bocket, go Into de odder room, shit in de bocket, piss on de shit, and den put your head Down over de bocket and breathe in de fumes for ten minutes.’

Ahmid took The bucket, went into the other room, shit in the bucket, pissed on the shit, Bent over and breathed in the fumes for ten minutes.

Coming back to the Doctor he said, ‘It worked. I feel terrific! What was wrong with Me?’

The doctor said, ‘You were homesick .’

The President of the USA, George Bush, and his Vice President, Dick Cheney, are sitting in a bar. A guy walks in, sees them and asks the barman, “Isn’t that the President and the Vice President sitting over there?” The bartender says, “Yep, that’s them.”

So the guy walks over and says, “Wow, this is a real honour! What are you guys doing in here?” Bush says, “We’re planning World War Three.”

And the guy says, “Really? What’s going to happen?” Bush says, “Well, we’re going to kill 140 million Arabs and one blonde with big breasts.”

The guy exclaimed, “A blonde with big breasts? Why would you kill a blonde with big breasts?” Bush turns to Cheney and says, “See, I told you no one would care about 140 million Arabs”.

An Iraqi goes to the bank to get his salary from a French Company. The Saudi manager of the bank asks him to sign on the back of the check.

“That’s humiliation,” shouts the Iraqi, “why should the French sign on the front and I sign on the back. I want my money NOW!”

The Saudi refuse to pay him and the Iraqi keeps shouting in the bank then the American high manager comes with a 5kg hammer and knocks the Iraqi on the head.

After 5 minutes the Iraqi wakes up, signs the back of the check and gets his money. The Saudi clerk goes to the Iraqi and asks, “Tell me why you didn’t sign the check the first time but signed it later on?”

The Iraqi said, “You missed the point, you just told it to me, but the American explained it.”

US tourists, a man and his wife are traveling in the Middle East. An Arab approaches the husband, saying, “I’ll give you 100 camels for your woman.”

After a long silence, the husband says, “She’s not for sale.”

The indignant wife says, “What took you so long to answer?”

The husband replied, “I was trying to figure out how to get 100 camels back home.”

Two Arabs are sitting in a Gaza Strip bar chatting over a pint of fermented goat’s milk.

One pulls his wallet out and starts flipping through pictures and they start reminiscing.

“This is my oldest son, he’s a martyr.”

“This is my second son. He is a martyr also.”

After a pause and a deep sigh, the second Arab says wistfully, “They blow up so fast, don’t they?”

During the 7-day Arab-Israeli war, the opposing armies were camped extremely close to one another on the first night of the war. One Israeli yelled out: “Hey Abdul, are you there?”

On the Arab side, Abdul stood up and said “Yeah?” The Israelis took out their machine guns and mowed down Abdul.

The second night, another Israeli yelled out, “Hey Mohammed, are you there?”

On the Arab side, Mohammed stood up and said “Yeah?” The Israelis took out their machine guns and mowed down Mohammed.

On the third night, the Arabs got smart. One of them yelled “Hey Moshe, are you there?”

The Israelis yelled back, “No, Moshe isn’t here but is that you, Achmed?”

Achmed stood up and said “Yeah?” and the Israelis took out the machine guns and mowed down Achmed.

Failed Afghan recruitment slogans:

Be Allah you can be!

Martyrs have more fun!

Free camouflage turbans! Sign up today!

Uncle osama wants you!

Q: How do you tell when an arab has gone through puberty?

A: He takes his diaper off of his ass and puts it on his head.

Q: Why aren’t there any WalMarts in Afghanistan?

A: Because there’s a Target on every corner.

Q: What do you call a guy with his hand up a camel’s ass?

A: An Afghani mechanic.

Q: What do you call a piece of sandpaper in Afghanistan?

A: map!

Q: In Iraq, Why don’t they teach driver’s education and sex education on the same day?

A: Its just too hard for the camels…

Q: How do you stop an Arab from drowning?

A: Take your foot off his head.

Q: Why are camels called “Ships of the Desert”?

A: Because they’re full of Arab seamen…

Q: When is the only time you can spit in a arab womans face?

A: When her mustache is on fire!

Q: What do you ask a man who’s just converted to Islam?

A: Have you started beating your wife.

Q: How many Muslims does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None, they prefer to sit in the dark and blame it on the Jews.

Q: How many Muslims does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?

A: What’s toilet paper?

Q: What do you call a first-time offender in Saudi Arabia?

A: Lefty!

Q: How did the Muslim adulteress cross the road?

She was dragged by her feet, kicking and screaming, then she was stoned to death by a baying lynch-mob of brainwashed psychopaths.

An Arab sees an old friend of his coming towards him. He notices that his friend has lots of stitches and bandages around one of his wrists, and as he gets within earshot, he says “I see you won your appeal”.


  1. these jokes are so offensive and racist… this is disgusting, stop stereotyping the arabs, these should be reported you all are just jelous and try to make us look bad, go look at ur selves before you joke about our religion u gronksssssssssssssssssssss

    1. Thats the point u idiot , stereotyping is part of the joke . shut up please
      ps im also an arab and just for ur info not all arabs have " ur religion " .

    2. For those of you who don't know your history, the true Lebanese are Phonecians. As such, they are not Ishmaelites/Arabs. They are from the house of Jaffeth. the youngest of Noah's sons. Arabs are from the house of Shem (i.e., Shemites/Semites), the oldest of Noah's sons, and Hamm, Noah's middle son who fathered Cannah with his mother. Haggar, the woman with whom Abraham fathered Ishmael, was a Cannonite. As such, Ishmael, the father of the Arabs, is half Semetic and half Hammetic. The true Lebanese are neither. Furthermore, the first non-Jewish Christian church was established with the Gentiles (the children of Jaffeth) in Lebanon.

      1. Phonecians my ass, if that was true than I’m originally Sumerian, Akkadian, Babylonian and Assyrian…hell even Anunnaki or pompous demi-god. One thing is for sure, when you and I are 6 feet under and living are still around they’d call us Arabs at best and nothing else. Take your superiority complex somewhere else.

        1. Being a terrorist and DEFENDING yourself/your country are two very different things you uneducated, ignorant moron! Eg; terrorists; Israel and AMERICA being the top terrorists known to man although they are playing the peacekeeper card, they don’t have everyone fooled. Then you have the people defending themselves like these ‘branches of Islam’ you speak of. Please for the love of all of mankind, educate yourself and think for yourself instead of being TOLD what/how to think. Cheers (Y)

          1. Yep and Islam is SO FUCKING PEACEFUL, I mean like 109 verses on killing infidels, that’s total peaceful and all πŸ™‚


    1. Bitch please…its not abour religion…those are just jokes, if u are stupid enough to get offended…than your iq is lower than 40

      1. SHUT UP!!!!!! All arabs are deferent. To be honest I’m a muslim, I love jokes, but these jokes are 1) NOT FUNNY and 2) racist, not just to arabs but jews too. U better romove those !

  3. wow these are funny i dont like jews at all im american and i only like palestinin ppl lol th jews tried to take there country cuz they have nothinng ok so thwor a penny down the hill and lets start a jewb marathon okkkk noooooooo morreeeeee jewsssss we will get them stoned u middle east niggas will no what im sayin STONE DEM JEWSS MY NIGGA





  5. They're just jokes. You guys act like us Arabs are the only ones to get picked on… I thought it was funny lol, but then again, I have a sense of humor.

  6. Your mother **** who do you think you are talking about lebanese people! Am sorry to tell you that your no better then us you bunch of ruling stupid countires playing with our land and freedom! If you'd go on the moon trust me the earth would go party!and the sound would be sooo loud that you'd here it from where you are!GO TO HELL! No sense of respect is what you give and that's what you'll get!

  7. Seriously guys? I know you all go around joking about Arabs but we're not like that. Honestly, I don't care what people say about us because we all know it's not true. Just like the dumb blond jokes, funny but not true.

    You don't have to fight over it. Yeah some people find it offensive and I think you should respect them.

    Oh and just so you know, you guys got your facts wrong so check your information before you start talking about a topic you clearly know nothing about.

    And a final thing… Lebanon is the most awesome country ever because no matter how many countries took our land and freedom we always stand up again. Plus there are many things in Lebanon that are better than all the other countries πŸ˜‰

  8. It's not that it's the fact that they talk about lebanese womenand 3/4 of their's are obese! I'm not against joking about countries and cities but not to that extent all those jokes link to one thing that we are shit and our life is shit yeah well maybe it is because of you! But let me tell you smthn we lebanese greet you in our best way although we know all you want is our land! We give you unforgettable nights in the city bars nights beach parties events that would blow your mind!oh and educational we have great schools and universities even foreign universities would go on their knees to get students like us!we have very important people in the world that originate from the "shit" you think we are from fashion designers to technology specialists to programming! So why won't you reconsider those jokes!speaking of religion! I'm christian but still no one has the right to joke about religious roots!

  9. YALL COMPLAIN TO FUCCIN MUCH im bklacc an i dont get all pissy when ppl say blacc jokes and i mean lebanese ur wrongg ok palistin is the best cuz they have to deal wit jewss an who wanna do that??? nobody lol so jus take a joke and the united states has the best coleges an univercitys and i wanna move to the middle east cuz weman over here are bitchers ok if u grab there arm they call the cops not cool ok an over here they have no fuccin right tochyerat on there boifriend or husband nio right god damnet PALISTIN……………….. ARAB NATIONN

  10. Lol, I know some of these can be funny, but if you guys were the ones to always get made fun of it would get dumb. Like some of these jokes are not even true about Lebanese people and Arabs. Get to know us, go to Lebanon, It's a really good country! But honestly, just because a few Arabs are really crazy, doesn't mean all of us are. Arabs are very nice people, and they smell good! Get your facts straight, Indians smell terrible, not Arabs. and cmc, thats really stupid, U.S doesn't have the best universes, did you know ever 1 in 10 Lebanese people grow up to be doctors? We are fucking smart.

    1. mr lebanese dude. A
      tight kick in ur ass
      ought to straighten u
      up, u bloody racist.
      Indians smell
      terrible,huh. I think ur
      mother smells terrible.
      Bastardo. Ur mom
      smells like a pig. Idiota.
      And u smell like a lil gay

  11. mr lebanese dude. A tight kick in ur ass ought to straighten u up, u bloody racist. Indians smell terrible,huh. I think ur mother smells terrible. Bastardo. Ur mom smells like a pig. Idiota. And u smell like a lil gay piggy.

  12. ahahaha ahahahaa. how funny??? am i supposed to laugh. This joke is… joke… no sorry, lame joke is just racist to jews. btw im lebanese.

    1. THANK YOU!!
      Am Arabic and i don’t think its offenceve AT ALL!!
      i totaly loled at it .. C’mon guys its a funny joke!

  13. This isn't offensive to jews or arabs. I think it might be offensive to Claudia Schiffer but only she can decide that. It makes fun of the arabs dislike of the jews. It isn't a stereotype, it's true.

    Now, offensive would be to say the muslims don't eat pork because Mohammed used to screw pigs and they aren't sure which ones they are related to.

  14. Lol u guys are crazy first off I am white and used to be racisist but what I found was that no matter what color u are u don’t care because u come as one and fight for the man left and to the right of u no matter there race and second of all yes there are crazy people over there but u can’t judge them all together u think that a white man has never done bad things??? Use a fucking brain cell in ur head cause most the people who fought us up there were either forced to do it or there family was killed, on drugs to get courage to even fight us or they where just cowards and would hide behind women and children. Let me get to the point racism where does it get you? All it does is make you a bitter person and that’s spoken by personal experience . Peace out!!

  15. I don’t like it how you throw everything at us Arabs. You and others might find it funny but the problem is you don’t know how Arabs would feel some might find offensive and some might be ok with it but to me they are just a bit offensive because all the jokes you put are on Arabs and you make them look like the bad people.

    About the jokes personally I don’t get some of them and some are offensive

  16. If they are offensive don’t read them bitching about it shows that your to immature, you know why you feel offended? Because there talking about your culture, but your culture isn’t the first, maybe if your culture or government wasn’t so power hungry and corrupted like the war on iraq you people like eating bullets because us Americans kept fixing your corrupted governments, I’m surprised you people even have Internet really I’am.

  17. Hey Lebanese Girl, I totally agree with ya…there are many things in lebanon than other countries and of all them, Lebanese Puy is the best. And yeah one more thing, if lebanon is so great than how come most of them are migrated to US, Canada, Brazil and othe European countries? Lebanese are the most arrogant and rude Fks ever. Just that the pu**y is good!

  18. people it’s just a joke which I find very funny…

    take it easy, jokes are supposed to make us laugh and not debate. There are jokes about every race, nation and sex…. if everyone will be offended we will never be able to joke

  19. like, what the fuck? Its offensive, and its rude. how about we make fun of your “english” jokes? I Just think this is complete bull shit for us arabs, and one of us has to get this website reported.
    so rude omgg.

  20. These jokes are so fucking funny. I’m just so happy bout these jokes. Cuz I’ve lived in Lebanon and you guys are total bitches to Somalis. So clean up your own shit before you go looking for another toilet. OOPS!!! I mean hole.
    PS gonna bomb the fuck outta the next person who end up writing some retarded ass bullshit.

  21. fuck u dumbass americans:p lmao ur all going to hell motherfuckkkerrs!!!!! everyone with a racist comment can go FUCK urself u piece of dumb ugly nasty shit!! grow up like really SMD!!

  22. get your facts right before you start writing bullshit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I don’t give a damn if that’s what you think but A LOT of other people (that are not Arabs) that think better stuff of KEEP YOUR FUCKING COMMENTS TO YOURSELF!!!GO LEARN A THING OR TWO MORE ABOUT ARABS BEFORE YOU JUDGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  23. A man who just opened a new zoo the price for 1person was $1000 then he made it $100 ten $50 then free and everyone went to the zoo and the man who owned the zoo clOsee all of the doors and opened the lion door and said if you wanna get out give $2000

  24. i for one think we are forgetting the real problem here………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………niggers.

  25. HAYY GUYS, MY NAMES MOHANNAD AND I NEED TO TELL USE SOMETHING,if anyone is offended about this out of the Lebanese people, yous shouldn’t be because in this joke the person that is supposed to get offended is the Jews. Straight out, read it and you’ll find out.

  26. HAYY GUYS, MY NAMES AND I NEED TO TELL USE SOMETHING,if anyone is offended about this out of the Lebanese people, yous shouldn’t be because in this joke the person that is supposed to get offended is the Jews. Straight out, read it and you’ll find out.

  27. oh my god nigga u lebanees think you have it bad but paistine has to deal wit isreal (jews) takin there land and tryin to kill every arab in the middle east and so is (america where i live) and i hate america becuz they have the wrong countrys bacc becuz we should be protecting palestine and syria they have nothing anymore cuz of the fuccin jew hitler should have killed ever jew born πŸ™‚ FREEDOM FOR PALESTINE

  28. What a funny joke!! All u people who say this is offensive havent seen what those damn jews do to Palestinians. So plz shut up.
    Ps. Wish there were more jokes like this

    1. finnaly u understh i could go to and plaestine will be free my friend is from palestine an i have his bacc all da way i wish i could go to palestine and make a diffrence but 1 american cant do it FROM THE RIVER TO THE SEA PALSESTINE WILL BE FREE…….. by the way if i went to palestine wit my friend would palestininans like me or hate me?????

  29. I’m Jewish and Jews NEVER SIT WITH LEBANESE PEOPLE!!!!!!! They killed us, killed our children, slaughter our men, rape our women! And at the end, they say that we did all that and that they are innocent! I’m not talking about all of the Lebanese ( 90% of them are so nice and polite).

  30. First of all us lebanese people didnt start shit you guys did you wanna know why cause we refused to give u a plart of our land so your faggets ended up killing my ppl then we attacked back we ain’t gonna let you kill people from us so we faired it out. Second thing I leb joke like these are funny I make fun too but you people that are insulting lebnan have no right why would you guys comment rude shit in the first place , also we are all Arabs for Palestine hezbollah helped you guys I don’t know why ur hatin on us now we helped Syria aswell so please shut the Fuck up with ur rude comments like shit . W joke all u want bas don’t disrespect us.

  31. Fuck the Jews they are the biggest fucks in the world hitler should have killed all of u faggots leave Palestine and find ur own country an don’t come to the United States either bitch so if ur Jewish don’t even post shit on here I don’t have the right to also if it was wrong in aushwitz it’s wrong in Palestine don’t do to the Palestinians that hitler did to u if u think its so wrong u faggots who raped ur women?????? No body wants them hairy nasty count bags

    1. So to get this straight you basically hate people in general? I do not want to offend a retards however you should know this is not the way a lady should speak. Ok sweetheart. Now time to flap your arms and masterbate publicly while hoping your mother did not hear you refer to her as she is called while maintaining her street corner call her mom mother or wife sister..?? But n!gg3r is her working name.objhani.

  32. Fucking dirty sand monkey fucks, need to be exterminated. Then all of earths problems would be solved πŸ˜€

    1. This could be a cool web site if it wasn’t for all of you infantile pussies. You have a hatred for someone, go up in their face like a man and get you shit torn apart. You don’t have to hate someone to joke about them!

    2. When they’re rounding up violent offending psychos for incarceration I hope they don’t forget to look in on you and check your alibi.

  33. stop the fucking racisim what the fuck pepes if we were true arabs we shouldn’t fight on some shitty dirty joke we need to unite and stop those bad jokes about arbas

  34. All I keep keep seeing over and over from these hairy little oversensitive bitches is “you have no right “.Over and over .Well ,listen up stupid .I do have a right .I have met 100s of arabs in general and many Lebonese .I actually liked perhaps 3 or 4 of them .The rest are a bunch of primitive, crude cavemen .Nothing of importance has come from your part of the world in hundreds of years except oil.And instead of taking the trillions you all made and developing your world ,you instead just bought bigger sticks to beat each other with. And always blame the great satan America.What bullshit!!!!!! If the middle east is so fucking great ,then get the fuck out of here .Unlike other immigrants that have enriched our country in the past and made it stronger ,You add nothing but your big stupid propaganda spewing mouths .Its simple you neanderthals,you dont like us and we dont like you .So get the fuck out.

    1. And what great contributions have you made to civilization? YOU, as an authority on all things civilized surely have invented something mighty wonderful. An alternate energy source perhaps? Didn’t think so. Your extreme social grace belies your level of culture and sophistocation. I believe the words for algebra, alcohol, sugar, and mirror among others have come to English through the Arabic language. What was it that you said you contributed to our society which allows you to sit in judgement of the contributions of others?

  35. Arabs are a pain in the arse. We dont want them interfering in hoseracing and giving horses stupid bastard unprounounceable fucking names.Women are treated like shit and other countries suck up to them for their oil. Well I say bollocks nuke the

  36. I CAN’T FUCKEN STAND ARABS THEY’RE USELESS FUCKING CUNTS. THEY ARE tHE SCUM OF THE EARTH. Sand Monkey fucken cunts. HEIL HITLER. i hate niggers as well. enough said

      1. excuse me? If you like the arabs, then why are you on a website that makes fun of those fuckers?
        you are rude and racist. fuck you. go die in a hole. u suck gtfo. i must go bye, i have important things to do lolz.

  37. la illaha illalah
    there is only one god, and that is allah.
    all who claim there muslim,
    should act like they are muslim and stop acting like kufar.
    shame on you

  38. I cannot claim to have read all the comments here as there are far too many. I hate racism of any kind. I respect all races, cultures, and religons. I don’t believe we should hurt each other or be verbally malicious. That said, many jokes are based on stereotypes and some of those are funny. Not because they put someone down, but because they draw parallels between the individuals featured in the jokes and controversies, news items, political events, etc. at the forefronts of our minds. They often make light of harsh realities. I don’t think the joke here is intended to put anyone down, but to comment on a well known political divide. As to all the derogatory slurs which followed in the comments, I can only hope that one day humanity will mature. You give creedence to the paranoia.

  39. Also, I had only seen the first joke at the top of the first page when I commented initially. Most of the others are filled with disgusting derogatory slurs. FYI not all Arabs are terrorists and not all terrorists are Arabs for a start and I can’t even be bothered to finish. I cannot waste any more words on such small racist minds.

  40. I’m an American woman married to a Lebanese man for many years. Every Arab I’ve ever met always feels the need to tell the other person how to live. My husbands family did not like me from the beginning. They ACT like they like me now but actions speak louder than words. I have to put up with each of them telling my husband what he needs to change about our family. He believes they would never start trouble and only care. He then fights with me and our children and expects us to do what they want. Never mind that each and every one of them is flawed beyond belief. I don’t believe in getting into other people’s business and don’t appreciate them getting into mine. Recently there was a brother of his that felt the need to tell my husband something he needed to correct with our 15 year old daughter. What he told him was about her appearance. So my husband came home and fought with myself and my daughter and made her cry. My daughter makes straight A’s, doesn’t chase boys and is a good girl. I look at their daughters that are half dressed, anorexic and shallow and think where does he come off judging the “flaw” he thinks he sees. I have never met a lebanese person that was humble or Christ like. I am Christian and try to mirror my life after Jesus Christ. I dress modestly. I teach my children to not judge a person by looks alone. All that glitters is not gold. When we die and meet God he is not going to ask us if we bought the latest designer clothes or kept our body it’s thinnest. Did u love your neighbor. And that includes all people. Did you live in accordance to my word? Or did you hate and spread hatred? I have more respect for a Muslim that lives the true life of Muslim. That also applies to a Christian. The worst are hypocritical people. Just because you wear a cross on your neck and go to church does not make you a Christian. What a wonderful world this would be if everyone would respect one another.

  41. People they are jokes if you can not stop and laugh at something you relate to in one way or another do not spread misery. These are only offensive to those who can not empathise with humans need to identify with crazy laughter is madness if you are unable to laugh then find a cause to fight but the rhetoric is pure in “inside joke”. If you get the joke and it offends you it is because you relate on some level. The world is full of propaganda etc enjoy life do not be so easily heated. I cannot throw stones at those who are truly in turmoil however I find sometimes ignoring is bliss.

  42. Jealousy because most of the men are strikingly hot and woman behave like ladies who use words like a verbal whip. However these are just cheap jokes lol.

  43. Arabs are gay mythafakeers smell like shit..btw get a shower and buy some perfume cuz u really smell like ass Arabs go put it head up a camels ass lololol

  44. These stereotypes apply only to MUSLIM “Arabs”.I’m a woman of European Origin married to a Lebanese Christian for over 15 years.The Lebanese Christians I know are all very Westernized.I describe my husband as having an Arab body and an American brain–he doesn’t hate Jews either.

  45. Hey dumbasses! Name a fking race or religion that DOES NOT get stereotyped. You think we are singling you out? You are not the center of attention here, so get that stick out of your ass.

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